Well, we found out that the home Zephan's mom has been living in was shut down. The tenants were given very little notice to move (like, 72 hours) and our baby's mama has been staying at the Salvation Army off and on.
I'm so torn on this mama. I worry for her and think about her a lot. But she's struggled so hard with substance abuse and I don't think it would be healthy to include her in Zephan's everyday life.
She's probably going to try to get visits with him negotiated in the adoption mediation. Micah will have no part of that, so it isn't even open for debate. I'm kind of glad he feels so strongly on the matter because it takes the responsibility off me. I see families like It Spews Forth and Together We Have It All and I get even more torn. These families have successfully incorporated birth family members into their extended families.
One of those Mommies was pleased to let her son (and her husband!) be in his birth dad's wedding. The other family's kiddos talk to/spend time with their birth families with great success. I hope both Micah and I will learn and grow in this area. It may not be the best thing for our child to be involved with relatives who are making bad choices, but I want my sons to lack nothing. I also don't want to hold them back from family who would be a good influence in their lives just because of my jealousy. And that is an issue for me. I would have a very hard time with Zephan calling his birth mom, "Mommy". I would be seeing red. I know it's immature, but there it is. God, help me grow.
3 comments:
We have the same quandary with our foster to adopt son... we just met his birth siblings and grandma this week (court order visit). They are nice and live only 2 or 3 miles from us. It is not their fault the Birth Parents can't get it together... so why should they be punished? But at the same time, we want our family to be safe and have NO potential contact with the Birth Parents once the adoption is complete. (The BPs visit the older sibs and grandmother regularly.)
It's hard to know what's best... I hate to think of our son resenting us in the future for our choices we make now. I pray God gives us wisdom in all of our parenting decisions!
Tough, tough choices, but God will guide . . . . listen to His voice.
My prayers, as always. Nana
Thank you for the email and for the invite to see your blog. I love it. I know it can be so incredibly hard, to "share" a child with another mother, but I have made it work, mainly so that I can continue to be a part of the twins' lives after they return home. But God has helped me through it and learn how to minister to this momma who needs it.
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