We heard from the girls' caseworker. Their Mom is doing very well caring for them while we're here. When we get back the judge will most likely transfer custody back to her.
Please pray for my attitude. I knew this would happen. I did. I had a peace about it. That peace seems to have disappeared and in it's stead has come a strong desire to get "my babies" back. I miss them. I brought them home from the hospital and I have this sense of entitlement when it comes to them. They were supposed to make up for everything. I know, it sounds weird. But what's worse is that, with this sense of loss coming into my heart, comes flowing all the past loss from before. I miss Rayna and wonder how she's fairing with her new family in Washington. I hope our foster babies, McKayla Rae and Damiion Andrew (although it blows my mind that by this time they're no longer babies but have recently celebrated their 9th and 8th birthdays), are doing well all these years after being reunified with their Mom. I wonder what ever happened to little Taysha, whom we tried to adopt from Haiti all those years back.
These memories are tainting the news that we were chosen for Committee for a baby boy named Michael. It seems we'll be going to Committee before Christmastime. I was pleased to hear the news, don't get me wrong. I just wonder if his memory will be included amongst the rapidly growing stack of those labeled, "loved and lost".
Thank God for Micah, Solomon and Malachi, my own guys who are mine forever. If they weren't, I may not be strong enough...
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4 comments:
God knows and I understand - hang in there, Honey. I don't know why you have had to go through so much heartache trying to grow your family, but it will happen in God's timing and with the children he has chosen for you. I love you all - so much! Mom
I so understand. All of my "loved and lost" kiddos will be in my heart forever.
I'm sorry -- I am amazed how you have been so open and willing to put your heart on the line knowing that what you've gone through and what may happen. If you go into each situation thinking that you are going to "lose" them then you don't really let yourself love -- obviously you jump in with your heart and I think that's a wonderful gift. And you are right, God has given you your "own guys" as blessings to you!! I'll keep you and this mother in my prayers.
It will happen when the time is right, they will have such a loving mommy & daddy and brothers with extended family to love them. You are such an awsome mom to our grandchildren, and I know with all my heart that when that time comes, you will be ready & those who come will be the ones that have been waiting for you to love & care for them. We love you so much words can not even tell ....
Goga & Papa
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