Friday, January 01, 2010

Mixed Emotions




Well, folks, we're enjoying the snow and the fact that Zephan is legally ours! DHS wants to know......"what are we doing with your certification, now?" meaning are we open to another placement. They don't have a specific child for which they're asking, but just want to know if they can call us if there's a need. Although I'm feeling ready (and excited) for a new little one, Micah is anxious.
Heck, I'm anxious.
Are we ready to jump back into the drama and potential heartbreak? As a family, here's where we stand:
Solomon says he's ready and understands that the baby will, in all likelihood, be going home. Our default response is, "We're trying to get Baby home. But if there's no home for Baby, we'll be happy to have another Lewis!" He understands more than the others and is willing to risk loss.
Malachi has mentioned how difficult it will be for him to give a baby back. How it wouldn't be fair and he would be sad. But he's willing to share his home and family. Sharing and compassion are a non-issue for this one. It's the loss.
Levi is enamored with little folk and will be happy to have a wee one. He's a happy guy and will, in most likelihood, sail through all the issues. He's just not one to worry and is a very secure guy.
Zephan shoots the dog dirty looks if he's on my lap for too long - VERY possessive and aware that he's the baby. Being de-throned will be quite an adjustment for him. He's going to be a challenge, for sure!
So, there we are. It actually helps to write the run-down and assess "on paper" where we are with this decision. It's an exciting and frightening one and we've really begun praying about it. Things are so CALM right now! Everyone's happy and I'm not overwhelmed with the workload. Do we rock the boat?
On the other hand, I'm really feeling the pull. I do want more children and I don't want a ton of space between Zephan and the next one. Micah is open to more, as well. But probably just one more in this relatively small house. After nursing school we may have to move as we're quickly outgrowing this cozy home of ours.
Well. I guess we'll continue to pray and see what happens. For now, we have a great caseworker. Not many folks can say that! She's really a blessing. I trust her judgment...and she really filters the cases for us (as best she can) in order to give us the best shot at permanency. I guess we'll see what God does in 2010! I trust Him completely.

3 comments:

StarfishMom said...

2 weeks ago if you would have asked me if I had a peace about the boys leaving I would have said no way. It just came one day last week. I had been asking God to give me clarity in this walk and it was there CLEAR AS DAY in a conversation that I had with my husband. Our time with them was up. We called the caseworker and now they're leaving tomorrow. What do I feel? I feel like I am blindfolded and with ear plugs but I KNOW that God himself is holding my hand and guiding me through each and every step I take. He hears me asking Him questions and pouring out my desires to Him but the ear plugs remain in and I am at peace. I'm ok with that. I know His plan is what I am seeking and as long as He is leading me I'll get there because I desire His will for my life. So, here we are... What's the next step??? I don't know. But I KNOW I'm in good hands :)

Anonymous said...

We are where you are at,not sure what to do next.We are taking it a day at a time.I think if your family is meant to foster/adopt again it you will know it.Enjoy your new finalization in the meantime.Jill lovingmyamazinglife-not blogging right now,needed to take a break

Unknown said...

I say GO FOR IT! We had all 7 of ours in 1000 sq. feet and God provided so we could add on :) We now have 5,500 sq ft! God is good! He will reward you for your work. HUGS!