To the Triplets on Their First Birthday:

Hi, beautiful girls!

I can't believe it's been a year. A year since our caseworker called, "We have triplets in the hospital waiting to to home...but no home to go to." It's been a year since I called Daddy Micah at work and asked him if we could go get you. A year since hearing his slightly panicked silence, then the sigh that always signals his reservation to the fact that he loves kids - and me - too much to say no. In spite of the fact that our entire kitchen and living room had just been gutted. And I mean GUTTED, to prepare for new flooring, cabinets, and ceilings. There was a gaping hole in the kitchen wall (for the new window) and the sliding glass door was MIA. There was no running water in the kitchen. All the major appliances were out of commission and all the minor ones were issued temporary homes throughout the house. We were washing dishes in the tub, making coffee in the bathroom, cooking pancakes on an electric griddle in the living room.

It was the perfect time to bring home preemie triplets!

I called Nana and told her about you 3. Her shock quickly dissipated and was replaced by excitement and a desire to plan. She graciously offered to let you, Solomon, Malachi and me stay at her house across the street while Daddy Micah finished our house. With 3 extra bedrooms and a hardcore love of small, squirmy babies, it was perfect. We were so excited to go shopping for you!

Then it was time to meet you in the NICU. All collective 12 pounds. You were all so perfect and Selena was the only one still with a feeding tube. Savannah and Secilia, you were eating enough on your own. Selena would graduate from her tube just 2 days later. You were all doing so well!

I was so proud of you!

Once home, our days were a fog of doctor's appointments and sleep deprivation. Solomon and Malachi were such great helpers and loved to feed you! We took you to your first baseball game and watched as you grew.

And your Mother began to prove all the experts wrong. She pulled herself together and pursued being the Mother you needed! She began visiting you, caring for you, making plans to raise you. For the 4 of you to be a family.

The day I packed you up to leave was so hard. All your clothes were packed, your binkies clipped to your car seats so they wouldn't be lost en route. You looked so sweet, all in your matching outfits (as always). And I cried and wondered if I could ever go through this again.

Your caseworker's van pulled into the driveway, she walked up to me and said, "here's your official apologetic hug from DHS". She was a really great worker and in the following days checked in on you guys.

A lot.

She even drug herself out of her nice warm bed and drove across town in the dead of night to knock on your door and make sure your Mother was getting up with you. She came back with glowing reports on how you all were doing together. To ease my fear. And it did.

I was happy for you, but I missed you. I missed Selena's sweet, easy-going disposition, Savannah's snugly little self and even Secilia's feisty determination to pull her sisters' hair or suck their nose!

And I continued to wonder if I was strong enough to take on another beautiful child and then lose them.

Then December came. And the call. "There's a little boy who needs a family." As it turned out, there was also a family who needed a little boy. I was scared, but the minute I saw Levi's face, he was my baby. He's been such a blessing to our home and we just love him to pieces!

Now J.J. has joined us, as well. We don't know if he's meant to be ours forever or if, just like you, he's meant to bless our family just for now, until he goes home to a forever family. But, as he sits on my lap now, I know that I am strong enough to do whatever I have to do for him.

Even let him go.

Because I love him.

You taught me that.

Happy Birthday, girls.

Wherever you are.