Why, oh why....

.....does she have to be so cute? Happy 3 month mark, my sweet Rosie - you are truly a joy!

That's The Game

Well, Rosie may be going home. I was surprised, too. So, a couple of developments have happened: 1) Mom, Dad and Grandma have moved in together and are working as a team to get Rosie home. They have committed to staying together in the home to raise her as a family unit. Which DHS is considering. Grandma is also now visiting with Mom and Dad.
2) The adoptive family of Rosie's sisters have stepped up (after viewing a picture I took and seeing how much she looks like their girls, they changed their minds) and the concurrent plan is now that she will go to them, should reunification fail. They are out of state, however, so they can't do a foster-to-adopt type of placement with them.


DHS has decided that they will let Mom/Dad/Grandma work a reunification plan for 9-12 months and then assess their stability and parenting skills. They don't want to do a reunification sooner than that, as they feel that Rosie is too vulnerable for any screw-ups. She has another EKG on Wednesday and that will probably clue us in as to whether or not she needs to see a specialist for her little heart.


So, that leaves her with us until around her first birthday with basically no chance of adoption, as there is already a concurrent plan with her sisters' family. D'oh.
And yet, when I heard all this, I had a strange sense of peace. I guess I've been in this business long enough to know that it's just the game. Also, because of how merciful God was in guiding us, we know for sure that this is where she's meant to be right now. Today she is supposed to be here, in this house, with us. I'm quite sure of that. And we're all really enjoying her!


Now, there may come a day when I'm packing her things to go home. When the little girl we've had since she was 18 days old will be leaving us. On that day I may throw a tantrum. I've told God that. And also apologized in advance and told Him how much I've enjoyed being her Mama and that it was all worth it just to have her for a time, and thanked Him for the wonderful opportunity. I'm so glad God "gets" me. Because I felt Him smile in that moment, and I knew everything would work out. I mean, do any of us know how long we have with any of our children? They are a gift to be enjoyed a predetermined number of days. So, I will enjoy my baby today. And I choose to be happy and have faith.

Job 1:21
God gives, God takes.
God's name be ever blessed.

Random Pics and Stuff

OK, here are some of my fave pictures this past couple of weeks! The ones of Levi sleeping in head-slap position and the dog on the computer were on the camera when I uploaded. Micah must have taken them. Cracks me up.

So, I'm back from a long weekend at the coast with my fellow homeschool moms. All year long I look forward to our retreat. We shop at the outlet mall, play games, SLEEP, soak in the hot tub and talk. A fellow homeschool mom whose kiddos are nearly grown (and used to own a pizza restaurant) volunteers to cook us foods that our kids wouldn't dream of eating, like chicken pesto & mushroom pizza and broccoli-cheddar quiche. She's such a blessing to the moms who have wee ones and need a break!
This was the first year that I went to the outlet mall with a list of girl items our household needed such a headbands, tights and a few springtime shirts. Aaaaaah, so fun!


Nana volunteered to keep Rosie so Micah wouldn't be overwhelmed and everybody enjoyed their weekend. My hubby decided to take the boys to an Agricultural Festival and said, "I just kept counting to 4 over and over..." It CAN be a challenge having 4 little guys who are going in 4 different directions! But Daddy made sure they all rode a pony, saw a sheep being sheered, did lots of hands-on activities and got a souvenir. And, my favorite part....he came home with all 4 boys :) The pic with Malachi and his cat was taken while I was away - apparently my spot in bed was up for grabs.



Also, Rosie had a consultation for her little heart. I can't remember if I already wrote about this, but we found out that 2 siblings have severe heart defects and have had several open heart surgeries each. The docs decided that her EKG isn't worrisome at this point, but she may need to see a specialist, so they'll continue to keep an eye on that. Other than that, she's 100th percentile for weight and 50th for height and is doing well. I picked up a few things for her room, as well. I don't want to commit to a girlie nursery, but sleeping her in a Noah's Ark room is bothering me (oh, what truly important problems this American mom has, right?) so I found a way to use the blue and brown colors and got her a new crib set from Craigslist. I'll add a few accessories and call it good. Pics to come, of course :)



And, thank you all for the gentle and encouraging replies to my last post. Every one was so very appreciated, that you would have such confidence in me!
And, Jill, are you on Facebook or anything, girl? I keep losing track of you and I think of your family often! It's so funny, but when you've followed a blog through the challenges of the foster care system and adoption, you begin to see these ladies as fellow warriors and friends. My hubs calls them, "my wife's imaginary friends". But, ladies, we're in this special little sub-category of parenting together and it's priceless knowing that I'm not alone. Someday I know I'll meet most of you, even if it's after our journey here on earth is complete. Or when we retire and have an itch to travel in our pimped-out Winnebago.....

Quit Faking It

Alrighty. It Spews Forth inspired me with a very real, no nonsense post about real stuff. I'm going to follow her lead.
So, Rosie's Dad got out of prison. He's having bi-weekly visits with mom now. I asked if Dad was being considered as a possible placement. DHS said no. So far there has been nobody to step up for this child. Which leaves us. Only one problem: Rosie is a girl. We ALWAYS lose our girls. I had decided that we were a strictly boy household. Obviously she won't be staying. Our girls never do. Right?
OK, for the first several years we were open to either gender. All our girls left. Then we were blessed with a beautiful boy, our Levi. Who stayed. Then we opted to only accept boy placements. 5 months later we were blessed with our boy, Zephaniah. It seems to be in the stars.
Even when I called the breeder I had chosen to buy my Pomeranian. Only pup left was a boy. Malachi recently adopted a Guinea Pig. He decided on a girl and chose a pig from the female enclosure. We get the thing home and discover it's obviously a boy. Both cats? Boys. Same with our rabbit. There were 2 from which to choose, a male and a female. I chose the female. We got home and, come to find out, there was a mix-up. We had come home with.....the boy.
Over and over and over this happens. And I adore my boys, but I don't think I've given myself a chance to develop the desire for a girl. After Rayna left I constructed a sturdy wall against baby girls. They're cute, but not for this family. And I let my love for my boys absolutely take over and turn into a passion that hid any hint of a desire for a daughter. Eventually I may have to do something about this wall. IF this case evolves to look like she may be forever.
But I'm looking into the blue eyes of this beautiful baby girl with much speculation. Could I raise a girl successfully? It scares the pee out of me. I remember how I was as a teen, so emotional. Crushes on boys and crying when I started my period on my 10th birthday (sorry, TMI), lip-stick rules and rebellion and battles over too-short skirts and talking on the phone for hours at a time. It makes me tired just thinking about it.
I'd much rather deal with stupid pranks (embarrassing confession: I LOVE the Jack Ass movie and, although he has a potty-mouth, I find Bam Margera charming and funny) and wrestling and wet dreams and skateboards. I have a well-thought-out plan for those! I'm good! I know how to raise boys and seem to be good at it. And my hubby is the martial arts dude who loves camping and paintball and all things manly. What in the world was I thinking when I accepted this placement?!? She'll be doomed to grow up with a intimidated mom and a Dad that has no clue!!
So, that's my "Real" post. I will let you know if I have any epiphanies. Until then, I'm just loving this little baby who has stolen my heart against my will and is hard at work chipping away at my big ol' wall.

Visiting the Tulips

Rosie:
























Solomon:

























Malachi:

























Levi:

























......and Zephan. Sigh.

























He is The One. The One who will bring my gray hair. The One who puts my stomach in knots near bodies of water. The One who causes the most mischief. The One who tests me. The One who drives me to my knees in prayer, "Lord, give me wisdom!". The One who manages to find my buttons. The One who makes me shake my head in amazement at his antics.
He's also The One who can melt my heart with a look. The one who causes me to belly laugh. The One who says, "Mommy! I missed you when I sleep!" The One who has an infectious giggle. The One who keeps me flexible. The One who likes to be rocked. The One with a killer sense of humor. The One who wrings his little hands and looks worried when Rosie cries.
He will be The One. The One who's a really big man. The One who's fiercely protective of his family. The One who has an amazing testimony. The One who's boisterous laugh reaches the sky. The One who leads his family with faith and commitment and compassion. The One who will reach the hurting for Christ. The One who will STILL be a mama's boy. The One who can reach the person that no one else can. The One whose smile will light up the whole room. The One I tell unbelievable stories about to his kids. He will be a great man.
The One I loved, love and will love. My boy.

Birthdays, Hospitals, Easter and Pneumonia

Sorry it's been a while! Things have been...eventful. Shortly after my last post (on Solomon's birthday, actually) Rosie began to be fussy and drink less of her milk. Now, if you know Rosie, you know 2 things about her: 1. She's not fussy, 2. She loves her groceries. By the end of Sol's birthday party she was running a temp. I tucked in my birthday boy and his brothers and we were off to the ER for what I was sure would be an in-and-out appointment just to ease my conscience. By the time we got there, she was at 101 degrees. Because of her hazy medical history, they decided to admit her. She had an IV put in, urine samples, an RSV test and even a spinal tap. By 3:00am we were both exhausted and fell asleep in our room. We were there for 3 more days and, ultimately all the tests came back negative. It was just a nasty virus. The one complication (other than Daddy unexpectedly having the boys by himself for a while) was that I was exposed to and contracted Bacterial Pneumonia. This TOOK. ME. OUT. folks (I'm still on antibiotics and hacking up blood).
Not to mention, in the middle of all of that, we all (except Zephan) got a fantastic stomach bug. Our Spring Break was filled with coughing and puking and fevers. I was so lucky that Nana took one look at us and packed Rosie an overnight bag and took her home. She even took days off work to keep our delicate girl away from all those yucky germs so she wouldn't have to go back to the hospital.
In other news, Rosie is now sleeping through the night!! WOOT!! She's recovered nicely and I've just cleaned out her drawer of all the 3-6 months clothes. It's all 6-9 months for my little 2-month-old! Dad had criminal court on April 1st, but I've yet to hear what happened there. There's a Family Court Hearing this Thursday and I'll probably get the scoop then. So far, Mom is making all of her visits but DHS isn't willing to place Rosie with her as she's, "Low functioning with an IQ of 59." So far, maternal grandma has come forward as a resource, and they're considering placing Rosie in her home with Rosie's mom living there, as well. But Mom would have to have some sort of "wrap-around support system in the home in order to place with Mom". We don't know that Grandma is up for this magnitude of a commitment, since it would be an 18-year arrangement to caring for both Rosie and her Mom. I'm also wondering where she was during the open cases of Rosie's 3 older siblings who are now adopted?
As far as we know, Dad will be serving some time "for thuggish-type crimes". I'm wondering what he was doing with Rosie's mom, seeing as she's obviously developmentally delayed to a fair degree. His parents are estranged and really didn't raise him, so it doesn't look like they'd be a resource for this case. I could really see this case going either way, but feel sympathy for Rosie's Mom and wouldn't mind working with her in the future.
Easter was fun for us all! I got all the boys in shirts and ties (the above pic is the best one we got, even though Malachi looks like he's about to puke and the littles look feral). There was a surprise baptism at church, a teen-aged girl who we usually sit in front of. Her grandparents are real sweethearts and they were so proud. Grandpa wanted to baptize her himself and our pastor was pleased. Grandpa and Grandma cried as their Granddaughter professed her faith. It was beautiful. Afterward Nana made a whole lunch spread with baskets for the Grandkids from "The Nana Bunny".
Rosie's first portrait session is coming up now that she's smiling and cooing up a storm. She looked so pretty on Easter with her little dress and tights and I even found a newborn bracelet with pink pearls for her tiny arm! So fun!
Well, I better get some schoolwork done with the boys. Our virtual school called with concerns that Sol & Kai are finishing the school year early. They want the boys to slow down even though they enjoy their work and make their way through it quickly. This is leading us to a schooling change for next year. They need something they can truly go their own pace and something accelerated. I'm thinking of the ACE system. We'll see....

Rat Tragedy

Well, as many of you know, Malachi has a rat. The rat's name is Margo and spends a majority of her life on her boy's shoulder. She gets scraps from meals and has tunnels and mazes and forts built in her honor. She is kind and funny and sweet. Margo also has had tumors growing out of her foot, a condition called Bumblefoot. For the last couple of weeks I've noticed the foot getting worse. Hubbs and I would shoot each other uncomfortable glances as Malachi consoled and petted her. Friday night my conscience won and I decided that it was time to put Margo down. It's amazing what you can Google nowadays and my search for "humane way to put down rat" rewarded me with a gentle method. After Malachi fell asleep I brought Margo's cage outside and thanked her for being such a wonderful pet to my boy. I gave her her favorite snack and placed the cage behind the tailpipe of the van. I was relieved that it was so quick and gentle. She yawned, stretched and went to sleep. I bleached the cage and returned it to it's spot beside Malachi's bed. The next morning after all the boys were up except Kai (he's like me, the last one to get dragged out of bed) I went in and layed on his bed with him. He woke and I told him that his pet passed away peacefully in the night. He sobbed. My poor little guy. I told him that, when he was ready, he could come to me and we could talk about a new furry friend for him. 20 minutes later he "felt ready" :)
He chose the ugliest Guinea Pig in the store, even though we went in to buy a hamster. The heart wants what the heart wants, right? We brought her home and Kai named her Mocha. He's really enjoying her. So long, Margo. Thanks for the memories!
In other news, it's starting to looklike Spring around here! Nana, Auntie Julie and cousin Bree met us at the park today for a picnic and it was lovely! Dad also put the hammok up and you can catch any number of boys inside it at any given time. Daddy and Zephan are known to take their naps out there, it's too cute! Rosie's doing awesome. She sleeps 4-5 hours at a stretch at night now and it's fantastic! At a month, she's in the 90th percentile and weighs over 11 pounds. All the 0-3 month clothes I was so thankful to borrow from friends are too short. I did some shopping and bought all 6-9 months and up. Micah looked at the little tennis shoes I bought that won't fit her until at least mid-summer and said, "Hopefull thinking, huh?". I guess so. I figure, even if she leaves before then, I'll have some things to send home with her. She came with so little. But, I must admit, I want to see her in those cute pink shoes! Only God knows how long we'll enjoy her, but I know that He put her here. He heard my prayer, "God? Next time I really need a mellow one!"
Oh, and, this is interesting: I took her to a well baby appointment. She's been with the doc since birth. Doc was asking questions about her situation and asked where Dad was. I told her that he's incarcerated. She said, "Well, that must be very recent because he and her Mom were both here at her last appointment, just a couple of days after her birth." Hmmmmm. That's interesting. So, between 2 and 19 days he completely slipped out of the picture? And his family isn't being persued? There's deffinetely something fishy going on.

Shelter Hearing

Well, Rosie's bio mom had court Tuesday. Since this was technically a shelter hearing (the initial court date after a child comes into care when the judge decides if the child should stay in foster care or that DHS jumped the gun and the child should be returned with a safety plan implemented) the judge did decide that she will stay in care. The judge also gave Mom a 2-hour visit per week and enrolled her in a "Baby Bonding Group" to take with Rosie. Zephan did these with his bio-mom and it's supposed to support confidence and accountability. The teachers of these groups are really good and I'm glad she and her Mom will be taking these classes. Caseworker is holding her cards close in regards to the birth dad. When I asked if he'd be visiting I got a, "Nope." and when I tried to ask a bit more about him, I didn't get any answers. I think there may be something fishy going on with this birth dad. I asked if he was incarcerated and got, "We think so." We think so? They haven't looked? This is odd. I know caseworkers are all as different as any individuals who make up any group, but this particular one is very business-like and doesn't like to chat a whole lot. She may just be that way, or there may be some interesting things going on here. Maybe both. I'd sure like to know if they're doing a relative search, though...
Anyway. She's doing great! Such a sweetheart. I DO admit: IT'S SO FUN TO DRESS A GIRL!! All the tights with frilly hinders and ruffles and headbands and fancy little socks and size zero Mary Jane church shoes. Augh! It's killing me!
She usually wakes to be fed 2-3 times a night but is content to go right back to sleep until the household wakes. She's really starting to look around and hold her head up. Zephan has shocked us by being either interested, loving or ambivalent about her and hasn't shown any negative behaviors whatever. Shocker! Seriously.
The older 3 smile and coo at her and I'm sure when she gets a bit more interactive they'll attach more. They're curious about why she isn't with her parents and it has opened up a nice space for dialog about choices, drugs, alcohol and choosing Godly friends.
Levi has begun asking some questions, as well, and we've had some of our first "adoption talks" about how God can bring families together in all sorts of ways. He's now grasping that he has a birth mom and that she loves him. I hope God continues to guide my words to him to enforce how dear he is to us and tell him his story in a positive light.

Well, that was Quick!

Well, our CW called. "I have an 18-day-old baby for you, if you want.", she said. She proceeded to tell me about a case that was developing and it was sounding like what we were looking for. I said, "Yeah! This is all sounding pretty do-able!" She then says, "but there's one little thing.....it's a girl."
A girl?
She explained how she knew we wanted a boy, but this little one came in and she just felt that she needed to call and ask us if we were interested. I wasn't sure. I called Micah. He told me that he wasn't, in fact, surprised that we were offered a girl despite the fact that we firmly stated we'd only take a boy and asked for no calls for girls. Seems that he's had several "hints" that we would be caring for girl next, but he figured that, if that was indeed what God wanted, we'd know somehow.
So.
Here I am, sitting with my new foster daughter, "Rosie".
She's awfully small and sweet. Her 3 older siblings have been adopted out in another State and her Mom relinquished on all of them. We know that this will likely be a long-term placement, but permanency is, as always, indefinite. Now, I'm going to be drinking a bunch of chamomile tea and try to zen over the weekend in preparation for my annual, "We got a new placement panic attack". Without fail, within the first week of a placement, I have a HUGE anxiety attack. I don't know why, exactly, but it happens without fail. I FREAK OUT amidst the re-arrangement of school schedules, re-organizing, figuring out a new routine from everything to getting loaded into the car to meals and bedtimes. Everything just has to settle back into place and it takes a little bit.
All this time I'm falling in love with a baby who may be taken from me. During one of those first nights I will lose it. I will call my mom. I will cry in the tub. I will wonder if I can do this. I will remember scary things like SIDS and Colic. Then, after a hug from my wonderful hubby and hearing him telling me,"You're not alone in this. WE will do fine." and my Mom gushing about how proud of me she is and assuring me that she's right across the street whenever I need her, THEN I'll settle down and chill out and enjoy myself. I'm hoping that maybe by expecting my little meltdown and preparing myself for it, that it will be easier for me to adjust quickly. Here's hoping! Little noodle has court next Tuesday and we'll know a bit more about her story, but for now...I'm off to make some Chamomile tea and rock a little one :)

Officially Waiting...

Well, our meeting with the caseworker was a success! She's a really neat Christian lady with her own adoption testimony. She adopted through foster care system, as well, and has been a foster parent to multiple placements so she can relate to all sides of this. She was very supportive of our desire not to be a "revolving door foster home", but to prayerfully consider each placement before they come to us and focus on attaining permanency. Will there still be drama? Yup. Are the stakes high? You betcha. But, foster parents are greatly needed especially as of late. Our State doesn't pay for/reimburse daycare expenses (and full time daycare costs about $150 ABOVE the monthly foster care payment) and, in this economy many Mommies are being forced back to work. One income isn't cutting it, so Mom is going back to work. DHS won't pay daycare, so the family has to give up the kids. This is leaving a deficiency.
So, all that to say; we get to help fill in the gap in a system that's in need, give a kiddo a safe place to be and maybe even grow our family. And they'll help out a bit with diapers and groceries. Sounds like a good plan to me!
Because we're being so selective in our placements, the wait may be a long one, but sometime this year we should get our call.

Chickenpox and Caseworkers

So!
Here's our house 2 days before Solomon came down with.....The Chickenpox!!


Oh, yeah. It was an awesome time of many playdates with 10 children in our house. Needless to say, because Chickenpox has a long gestation period, all of these beautiful children were exposed. Luckily 2 of them had been vaccinated. But the rest were not. I made my rounds apologizing to parents. Now, thank the Lord, Sunday morning we skipped church as he wasn't feeling well. He wasn't spotty, yet, just feeling yucky. If we had gone he would have exposed the entire church! Anyhow, all the families were very understanding and, as a matter of fact, 8 children (including my niece) arranged for a playdate specifically to contract Chickenpox, thus getting them over with for their little ones while they're still small. I haven't heard back whether anyone has broken out yet, but I'm sure all the shared sippe cups and lollies will have their desired effect! Solomon's much better now and none of my others got it. My littles were vaccinated before they came to me, but I don't remember OKing that one for Malachi and he's still clear. Interesting. Guess time will tell as it can take 7-14 days to manifest.
Levi was the most disappointed with the whole thing because we'd planned to go to Chuck E Cheese for his birthday which was to be the day after until the spots appeared and spoiled our plans. He still managed to have a good time with a riegn check for ChuckE's and a smaller party at home. Most of the adults in the family were able to come and there was cake with candles and neat gifts. His favorite was the Darth Vader costume which I've just finally been able to peel off him and wash :)
Tuesday our new caseworker comes out to meet us. We've spoken on the phone and I have to say, I like the lady. Now, this may be in part because our old caseworker (the one we like and has been with us forever) may have had some pull in who she gave our case to. I got the feeling she was comfortable with who would be working with us from here. New lady seems very nice and we talked pretty in-depth about our family's needs, strengths and wishes. She understands our wish to adopt and, although we're both aware that this IS foster care, she's aware of our goals to attain permanency in at least SOME cases. So, after Tuesday we'll be officially "on the list". I was mentioning my "empty hip syndrome" now that Zephan is so big and grown-up. She assured me that my hip would soon be occupied.
It's making me smile as I write this because, although Zephan has all but retired from being carried, when I pick up a friend's baby, he immediatly regresses. Suddenly it's of utter importance that he be help RIGHT NOW. I'll have to arrange lots of one-on-one for my poor retired baby.
Anyway, at the tail end of all this Chickenpox nonsense, the family caught a nasty cold. So, I need to get off here and make my rounds refilling juice and chicken broth, handing out cough drops and garbaging snotty tissues. I'll leave you with a pic of Furgus falling asleep to the aroma of Kai-Kai's hinder. These 2 are so funny!

Bureaucracy.

I may have several posts with this heading! The reason bureaucracy is a real itch in my craw this particular time is because they're forcing us over to a new caseworker. After having the one we love for 8 stinkin' years. Management is redistributing case loads this year. Some rules are changing. Also, in our state, there are 2 routs to placement:

A) Foster care. This route may or may not end in adoption. The journey to an adoption includes the parents having approximately a year to work a case plan. If they can't get it together, a relative search is initiated. No family? Widen the search to include other siblings who are already in an adoptive placement. Does the family who has the sibling(s) want this child as well? No? OK. They'll then consider letting the child stay with the foster parents.

B) Adoption Committee. We would look through a notebook of children already freed for adoption and looking for an adoptive home. 3 families are chosen for each child/sib group. These 3 families prepare a photo album telling all about their family, hobbies, lifestyle, etc. A Committee is called, including the kid(s) caseworker and they decide which of the 3 families are most suitable to raise the kid(s). Each of the family's caseworkers go to these committees to represent their perspective family. 1 family is chosen and the children transition to them almost immediately.

Now, we've gone the Committee route before. The problem is, even if we do get selected (which we have several times), we don't win Committee because we already have children. Childless couples and families who only have 1 (or 2) are almost always chosen over the families who already have 3 or 4 children. It would be a long road of losing time after time. After time.
We may EVENTUALLY get lucky. Now, we may have better luck once hubbs graduates Nursing school and we attain a larger house, but for now it would be a slim chance.

Which leaves good ol' fashioned foster care. Which was what we were doing, but with a twist: our caseworker was primarily an adoption worker. If she heard of a child who needed placement and was pretty much a sure-shot for permanency, she would call us. This was great. We lost the triplets, and there was some significant drama, but were able to adopt 2 beautiful little boys this way and it was all very worth it.
Now we have a regular caseworker whose job it is NOT to match a family with an adoptive placement, but to get children into foster placements. The primary goal of their jobs are so different and they totally focus on different things. We've had some interesting experience (before the worker we like so much) where we felt that the Caseworker was saying what we wanted to hear in order to get us to take the child. Now we really have to filter these cases for ourselves on a case-by-case basis. That's scary for me.
That having been said, we did make the decision to go the foster care route. We'll give that until Micah finishes school and we get a bigger house (about 2 years, give or take). If we haven't attained permanency by then with another little one by that time, we'll probably pursue a sibling group through Committee.
I'm feel excited and nervous. Gosh, I hope we're doing the right thing. Hubbs HATES drama with a capital H. I don't mind it so much, but the loss. Ugh, the loss.
So, that's where we are tonight.
Oh, and I forgot to mention the coolest thing: My hubbs threw a surprise party for me the day before my birthday! I was clueless and it was bliss. My friends gave me gifts of Reeces PB Cups, Starbucks, Dutch Brothers and dark chocolate. My hubbs cleaned out my Amazon Wish List (Ohmifrekingosh!!!!!Squeeeeee!!!!) . There was a huge chocolate cake that said Best Mommy Ever. There were balloons and party horns and hugs, laughing and toquitoes with guacamole. I just LOVE that guy. Seriously.

Mixed Emotions

Well, folks, we're enjoying the snow and the fact that Zephan is legally ours! DHS wants to know......"what are we doing with your certification, now?" meaning are we open to another placement. They don't have a specific child for which they're asking, but just want to know if they can call us if there's a need. Although I'm feeling ready (and excited) for a new little one, Micah is anxious.
Heck, I'm anxious.
Are we ready to jump back into the drama and potential heartbreak? As a family, here's where we stand:
Solomon says he's ready and understands that the baby will, in all likelihood, be going home. Our default response is, "We're trying to get Baby home. But if there's no home for Baby, we'll be happy to have another Lewis!" He understands more than the others and is willing to risk loss.
Malachi has mentioned how difficult it will be for him to give a baby back. How it wouldn't be fair and he would be sad. But he's willing to share his home and family. Sharing and compassion are a non-issue for this one. It's the loss.
Levi is enamored with little folk and will be happy to have a wee one. He's a happy guy and will, in most likelihood, sail through all the issues. He's just not one to worry and is a very secure guy.
Zephan shoots the dog dirty looks if he's on my lap for too long - VERY possessive and aware that he's the baby. Being de-throned will be quite an adjustment for him. He's going to be a challenge, for sure!
So, there we are. It actually helps to write the run-down and assess "on paper" where we are with this decision. It's an exciting and frightening one and we've really begun praying about it. Things are so CALM right now! Everyone's happy and I'm not overwhelmed with the workload. Do we rock the boat?
On the other hand, I'm really feeling the pull. I do want more children and I don't want a ton of space between Zephan and the next one. Micah is open to more, as well. But probably just one more in this relatively small house. After nursing school we may have to move as we're quickly outgrowing this cozy home of ours.
Well. I guess we'll continue to pray and see what happens. For now, we have a great caseworker. Not many folks can say that! She's really a blessing. I trust her judgment...and she really filters the cases for us (as best she can) in order to give us the best shot at permanency. I guess we'll see what God does in 2010! I trust Him completely.

Finally Final!

Almost the whole family showed up for the Adoption Ceremony on Monday. It was just too cool. The courts were running a bit behind, so we had some time together in the hall to chat, take pics and let the cousins play.

The judge signing the Decree of Adoption, "...and this child, Zephaniah Henry, shall now belong to Micah and Lynee Lewis as if born to them." My favorite part. My second favorite part of this particular ceremony was the part when the judge asked Zephan if he was hereby willing to accept and reside by the rules of his new Mother & Father. To this he replied, "No want it." When we had Levi's ceremony, he answered with "Yes, Sir."
Such very different boys! Both crack me up.

Inroducing Lewis 4.0, the ultra-cool newest version:

Now, back to the house to PARTY!!

WOOOOHOOOO!!

I just got a call! Merry Christmas to us!! We're finalizing Zephan's adoption THIS MONDAY!!!
Our ceremony will be at 4:00 and we will officially ring in the new year as a legal family.
Thank you, God!! It's just what I wanted.

Merry Christmas!

I hope all of you are enjoying your families today! This season has been so fun for our family.

Here's our ultra-natural Christmas tree ornaments (we went out and grabbed some birds to decorate the tree. They loved it and sang and cooed - it was so pretty) I told Malachi one day that the twin chicks still didn't have names. Malachi's usually the one who names everyone, so he contemplated thoughtfully as he held one of the babies. Then he said, "Well, this one pecks at my hand a lot, so we should call him Little Pecker." He didn't understand my laughter, but took my advice when I recommended another name. He ended up settling on Shade and Shadow for them :)Micah's on Winter break from school and we've been having some much-needed time together. Our church went to the carousel by the river to sing carols and munch cookies and let the kids ride. It was a ton of fun. Even Zephan, who was rather freaked out by the carousel, enjoyed the ride once I found a 2-seater bench for him and I to ride on together, instead of a horse.My niece brought her Mom and Dad, too and she loved riding the horsies. Bree is the opposite of Zephan in the area of new experiences. He melts down and she dives right in. We've also been baking and visiting friends and enjoying Christmas lights and songs. Micah and I even got to go to the movies together. We saw Avatar in 3-D while Great-Gramma Reyna stayed home with the boys and listened to Zephan cry for 3 hours. He DID NOT want to be left that day. But Avatar was FANTASTIC!! It was my first 3-D movie and I was very impressed.

We also got to mutt-sit our favorite (other than Lexx) doggy, Bentley. My boys ADORE this dog and sleep with him when he stays with us. Lexx and him get along great and they enjoy one another. Someday when we get a bit bigger of a place I know I'll pine for a big dog. There's nothing like them.
Well, Merry Christmas to you! I was hoping for the off-chance that the courts would call and tell us that they'd magically fit us in before year's end, but God's in control and I'm trying to be patient.